alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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