Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
