He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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