I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
