apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
