There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
