Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
