i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
