wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
