Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
