then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
MIDGETS
????
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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