Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
