We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
