I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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