Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
