Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
