Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
where are you?
Hypothermia
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
