Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
