my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
