T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
