well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
