I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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