so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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