There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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