marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
This girl is more easily done than said...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
