Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
