It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
