dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
