Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
