THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
