she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
