I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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