Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
