Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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