careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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