This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
