Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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