During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
