Porn is love you can see.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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