marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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