I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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