Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hippo gnu deer
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
