He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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