You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
