Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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