Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
