before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
