You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
