flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
