My liver just broke up with me...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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