I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I had to cum in my sink.
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