We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
