3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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