Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My breasts were aching with rage.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
