theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
