he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
