Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
