grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
