My brain says no but my pants say off.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
